"Sanrevelle Alessandra Solange Carneiro?" Thyago asked, using the model's full name. "My sister?"

"She's yer sister? *Really?*" Cowboy's eyes widened as he stared down at the Brazilian, and then he laughed, clapping Thyago on his shoulder. "Well hot damn, T, you gotta introduce us! Ah've had a thing fer that girl fer the longest tahm!"

Thyago laughed, "Aha aha aha, no!"

"Why not?" Cowboy demanded.

"Um, because she'll sleep with you," Thyago explained.

"Not really seein' the problem, here..."

--Thyago Carneiro, matchmaker extraordinaire.

The communication system was forced to life, and after some noisy protests the static was replaced by the voice of Adi, who was driving the fighter. It was an odd mix between a freighter and a small combat vessel. Probably the same effect one would have fixing a twin phaser gatling guns on top of a truck.

"What is it?" Adi asked. Her voice was cute and sweet, not hinting that the woman behind it was married with eight children, pregnant with the ninth and looked a little like a Truck-with-gatling-phasers herself.

--Don't mess with them mining colony women.

As Stiles exited the counselor's office with a look of bewilderment on his face, Brian could only see one image: some poor unfortunate Risan sheep wondering what the hell was going on.

--Sometimes...even counselors just don't want to know.

"A returned unused slip." The girl from Iceland corrected. "We're trying to keep track of unncessary weapon requisitions. If this guy went through all the hassle of checking out a Tycho-1000 Boom-Master and then didnt even bother to kill anything with it....."

--Just another day on the job for Galaxy's cutest crewmember.

Jill was quite flustered..."Qualified....I just spent four years of hell at the Academy to get qualified!"

"Four years?" The crewman had to smother a chuckle, "Oh well that explains it.......what the heck did you take four years for?"

"That was the curiculum!!" Jill snapped.

The crewman made dismissing motions. "Well here on the Galaxy we have a tradition of everybody taking 2 or 3 years tops....if at all. Everybody graduated at the top of their class too."

"Everybody?"

"Yup....We have six valedictorians from 2382 as a matter of fact."

--It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't so true.

Comically (though perhaps not incorrectly) referred to as 'the rust bucket' by it's crew, the Tellerite freighter formally known as the 'Streaking Star', strained through space at warp speeds with all the grace of a drunken and pregnant hippo in heat. Although all it's security and safety inspections were up to date, from the outside looking in it certainly seemed like a ship held together with shoe-strings.

--Wait, what was the line about petsships and their owners looking alike?

"Would you like to know?" the mysterious shadowy roomate hissed mysteriously.

"Heck yah."

"I could tell you........but then I would have to kill you to protect the survival of the timeline......I swore to protect it 10,000 years ago when I was cast out of Valhalla by the God Odin and sent to Earth to learn humility."

Another pause and Jill asked, "So you are like a secret-agent Ninja God?"

"Verily mortal."

Jill rolled her eyes and started setting up her photographs on her desk.

Mom and Dad last Christmas.......Jill playing out back with the dog.

The shadow watched her for a moment before asking. "Want to see my Bat'leth collection?"

--And you thought your college roommate was bad.

She'd even volunteered to set up a trap, but 'noooo'... arming commercial vessels and flagging them in deception was apparently against several regional inter-stellar laws, damned lawyers! Speaking of lawyers, she was going to need one to sue that damned Allison Polkadottir whomever the hell it was... her article in Cosmospolitan magazine was no help at all! She still had split ends... and just because she was on a world with double the gravity, dramatic sand storms, an incredibly harsh environment, out in the middle of no where, and preoccupied with hunting pirates and saving evacuees by 'no' mean meant she didn't want to look her best while doing it!

--Good beauty tips are so hard to come by these days.

"See?" the nurse shrugged. "Even the Doc doesnt know what you are here for."

"Well......I guess I'll just leave then." Jill mumbled and felt her way to the door.

"Fine fine....go. Just remember we'll be sending you strongly worded reminder about missing your mandatory checkup."

--Ensign Jill Normal tried to be a good Starfleet officer...she really did. It's too bad that's not what it takes to succeed aboard the Galaxy.

Warts removed......warts applied.....we go both ways sugar.

--Here at Fi Fi's Salon, we want you to feel beautiful.

Turning back to the turbolift, Shi began going through how she would break it to her young friend in regard to the crazy stalker who had apparently decided to marry her even without ever having met her. Perhaps this ship bred insanity. At least that would answer a number of lingering questions.

--Well, it is the truth...

She sighed, softening more now, "You're not a bad investment, just a risky one." She stepped close and took his hand and looked into his eyes, "I don't regret anything and I don't think I ever will. I love you and I just want to make sure you're going to be alive for a while longer." She smirked, "I just hope we agree who the good guys are."

--Nara and Saul, bein' cute.

"I've seen enough. If you can't grab anyone skilled enough from engineering we'll have to go with her. Let's give it a two months try." The Caitian sighed. "And if she needs a hug, ask someone else to give it."

Saul grinned widely. "Zev?"

"Don't you dare."

--Saul Bental and C'hitah, discussing Aina Mason

Jaal needs time to settle in, survey the many women of the Galaxy......and then eventually decide he's gay. Then the back stabbing, pussy footing, devious, malicious, hormonal women go head to head with a gang of neck-wagging, name-calling, finger-snapping, bitch-slapping boys who show Arel what *Attitude* is really about. ;)

--Brian knows what Jaal needs to do now.

Nathan eyed her for a moment before laughing. "You are one scary bitch, y'know that?"

Her smile this time was genuine. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"Ah knew you'd warm up to me eventually."

--"Nathan and Arel, sitting in a tree?"

"These are the latest Espionage estimates of enemy concentrations..." he paused, "I don't need to remind the gathered that what you see is highly classified and improper distribution is subject to dismemberment of the highest order."

The gathered Captains nodded solemnly. There were various degrees of dismemberment in the Hydran criminal system.

--Ow.

Good: Great kill count?
Bad: You think that won't affect him?

--We love Corgan!

Wars...rumors of wars, and the occasional hyper-sexed vampire attack were all in the past.

--Hyper...what??

Daren wondered, just for a moment, why Jean-Luc Picard never had days like this. Or maybe he did, maybe Allah sent them to him... and they slid off his Teflon-coated bare scalp to land on other people's plates instead. Could it be that simple? He looked up at his reflection in the blank viewscreen, then shook his head and dismissed the idea as farcical. Besides, he looked better with hair - June had told him so.

--Even the captain has bad days.

"Mister Kit'ari, we're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job."

--Yep. *nod*

"Yeah, Ah've got one question," Nathan Everett drawled, turning to look at Slaughter. "What's with the accent?"

--Oh, the irony.

"Yes," Victor agreed. "How did you deal with it?"

"I dealt with it by committing suicide."

--Corran Rex may be the most messed-up soul on this ship.

Interviewer: One last question for the ladies in the sim. With Raven and Leo in a nudist colony, will we get to see how big Raven really is?

Joe: Oh I can tell you that now. He only 4 inches.

Interviewer: 4 inches? What a disappointment! He's such a mountain of a man everywhere else.

Joe: That's 4 inches from the floor.

--O_O

"BY MY ANCESTORS!!!!" Raven yelled incredulously. "You know you have to tap it to make it work?"

"I'LL DO IT!! I'LL DO IT!!! I'M THE CAPTAIN!!! LET ME CALL THE SHIP!!!" Leo bellowed, yanking at his own uniform.

--Raven and Leo: the 24th century's Odd Couple.

"He keeps looking at you, entendeu?"

With a blink, Shi glanced behind once again. "Thyago, perhaps it is because I am the only blue person in this entire village," she said.

--Could it really be that simple?

"The power of Kirk compels you!! The Power of Kirk compels you!!"

--Religion for the 24th century.

~Oh please...please don't let this go where I think it is,~ Brian silently prayed to any deity that could possibly hear him.

There was silence in the room for a moment as crewman Stiles drew his arms around himself, recreating the warmth he felt from the thought of his beloved holodeck program. Brian just sat there, frozen, watching with apprehension as the picture of serenity before him devolved into something more...disturbing.

Then Marcus' eyes rolled back in his head for an instant. "BAAAAAAAAN!"

Clutching his cup of tea, Elessidil stared, wide-eyed. His patient repeated the sound.

"BAAAAAAAAN!"

In all his years as a counselor, Brian had never encountered someone with this kind of....love....for animals. It suddenly became clear that stress was the least of crewman Stiles' problems.

Will watched as Knute looked up into the air and yelled out, "BAAAAAAAAN! You big eared, fat useless arse. In my office, NOW! I know you're watching."

A few moments later, the jagged tooth smile of a Ferengi came in - B'Han was his name, even though the hewmon Knute always forget the inflection just after the first letter, and he was a large investor in Brass Monkey. He was also the colony's procurer of many things that could not be found leagally. He was the centre of all things criminal on the small colony, but everybody ignored that fact as he tended to attract money.

Smiling to herself, Shi started down the corridor to see what lay further on. She was stopped in her tracks as a very unmusical sound blasted through the open holodeck door.

"BAAAN!!"

Shi hurried to the door, expecting to find Thyago in side. Instead, she found Mickey standing next to Artemis Bancroft. The vulcanoid cadet was playing a guitar that plugged into an amplifier against one wall, she was shaking her head at Mickey.

"No, mate," Artemis said over the guitar. "Close, but not quite. Here." She strummed her fingers along the guitar and sang, "Born to be free. Black skies surrounding me. Break out beyond the sky. Bring your dreams, it's time to fly." She nodded to Mickey. "Have a go, mate."

"BAAAN!!"

Artemis grinned. "Much better," she said. "You've got a gift for music. Oh, hey Shi. How are you?"

"Of course you couldn't. Now get out of here until you've found a way to unscramble my data unless you'd really like to help me with experiment in the pain threshold of methanogenic species I've been designing the last couple minutes."

"BAAAAAAN!" the sound echoed from the Benzite as he tore out of the lab as Artim finished. The Miran found the sound unusual , but utterly appropriate given the situation. The other crewmen in the lab, though amused by the Benzite running screaming from the lab, stifled any thought of a giggle knowing that it might earn them the rath of their pint sized chief. As Artim was in the process of storming back into his office he heard another familiar chirp, that of his combadge.

"Who is he if she should ask?"

"My realtor. Now put the green blooded veruul through."

"BAAAAAAAN!" a sound much like the Benzite's scream came through the console's speakers as the Romulan appeared on the screen. As Artim was about to make a smart ass remark, the sound repeated.

"BAAAAAAAAN!" And then it was gone as it appeared the Romulan was making adjustments to the signal.

"Sorry about that. Was waiting for a client at a ranch. Its mating season for the Jor'elian hill sheep. They an get quite loud at times," the realtor said as the filter took effect.

"Sounds remarkably like a Benzite screaming. What do you want Rel?" Artim replied with a clear sense of disdain on his voice.

"Yeah yeah. Keep in touch though. Got a big party in a couple months...oh crud...it's the big one. Gotta go!"

"BAAAAAAAAN!" was the last sound that was heard as the channel closed. Apparantly even 24th century communications technology couldn't keep out the sounds of a sheep in heat.

"Go get him big guy. Go get him." Artim muttered in praise of the sheep as he went back to work.

"Now what?" The Betazoid asked, holding her daughter close.

"Now we have to get the hell out of here. We should probably..."

Before Berilyn could finish though, there was a loud thud at the door, followed by some swears in Nausican. "BAAAAAN!" The stupid bastard had probably walked right into the locked door, too.

"Does she really wear those coveralls?" Reese asked in a very loud whisper as they left the Hangar bay.

"Oh yes," Sam replied with a straight face. "In fact, they're all the rage for fallen debutantes in this part of the galaxy. And you should really announce yourself when you enter rooms. It sounds like this. BAAAAAA -"

The door cut her off.

"Yeah...uh...sorry Doc...I mean...uh...Mr. Paramedic...bad joke on our behalf...shit. I'm a Father."

Allison merely rolled her eyes thankful she didn't get her acting talent from Dad.

"I'll forget that you two came in here and wasted my time. Pull this kind of shit again and I'll BAAAAAAAAN you from Sickbay!" Despite his dark complexion, it was rather easy to see that his face had a reddish hue beneath. And there was a vein pulsating on either side of his head by his temples.

"I have heard enough!" Daier snapped. "Get out of my sight, you ungrateful little wretch. Do you hear me? You are banned from this house!"

"Father, no..." Pallra started to say before her father's booming voice drowned out the rest of her words.

"BAAAAAAAANNED!" Daier roared.

Jolan stared at his father, his eyes widening in surprise. Even he hadn't expected that.